A Broken Voice Spoke the Clearest
Life is often much bigger than what we make it. To live only for ourselves is to cheat our own experience. To do something truly significant is to invest in someone else.
On Sunday, Oct 22, 2023, Mark Stuart invested in me.
You may know Mark Stuart from his earlier days as lead singer for the Christian rock band Audio Adrenaline. I was a Christian-music-loving teen in the 90’s, and I listened to Audio Adrenaline. In fact, I attended their Bloom tour when they came to Pittsburgh, Pa.
During that concert, I watched the band intently. Mark Stuart and Audio Adrenaline seemed to be something special. I was impressed and inspired with what I saw and heard on stage and remember singing their song “Big House” for weeks after the concert was over. Even today, I still listen to songs like “Mighty Good Leader,” “Get Down,” and “Some Kind of Zombie.”
However, on Oct 22, 2023, I was no longer a teenager. My wife and 45-year-old self attended a local church doing our best to haul a bunch of youth group teens to a Mac Powell show. Everybody else was already inside. I was late getting to my seat—with two coffees and water bottles in hand. I sat down, a bit dizzy from the commotion and over stimulation that so often fights my traumatic brain injury. I took a deep breath and looked at the stage.
I know that face!
I missed Mark Stuart’s introduction, but he didn’t need one. Though it had been years, I didn’t forget the face and voice of a band I had grown to love. He held my attention. I heard him speak.
Wait a minute. Is this the same Mark?
Somehow amidst my own storms in life, I had missed knowing the events of his.
He barely got his words out. His voice was scratchy, yet somehow reached a deep place inside me I had closed off to others. He explained losing his singing voice due to an incurable vocal disorder—and expressed the struggle and hardship that came with it—yet he proudly showed us his new mission in life was to be the “hands and feet of Jesus” to the children of Haiti. He conveyed his drive and passion well. He was making a difference to countless children in need. I was stunned to hear what he was doing.
His testimony touched me. He admitted being used more now with a broken voice than when he could sing.
A screen behind him flashed images of his work in Haiti. Personal ones. Incredible ones. His vocal cords struggled to speak the words, but his heart spoke clearly; he had my full attention. The room was silent; it seemed he had everyone’s attention. I’ve never seen someone pitching for help or relief or a cause like he did. It was different. Powerful. Real.
He didn’t need to prove anything to me. His voice was stronger broken than when I had seen him perform as a singer.
Intermission hit and the lights came on. He left the stage. I watched him walk. Something burned inside me; something compelled me to move. Typically, I am not a bold person. Mark Stuart is famous. Am I crazy?
In that moment, I knew I was supposed to meet him.
I have got to talk to Mark Stuart.
Without thought, I stood up, left my seat, and followed.
It was one of those meetings that only God could have planned.
(What an incredible Mac Powell acoustic show!)
The next day I sat in my office trying to process what had occurred. My mind felt numb as I tried to take in everything. To have such a meaningful and God-ordained moment left me wanting more. I took out my journal and jotted this down:
In God’s infinite ways of love and mercy, He knew I needed to hear what Mark Stuart could barely say. Yes, the concert was beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing Mac Powell sing. But having Mark Stuart speak life into my broken soul that night was priceless—and I’ll never forget it.
Looking back, I remember explaining to Mark the quick details of my brain injury and my consequential losses. I confessed to him that they seemed too impossible to grieve and move past. I also knew God was using me more now in my broken state than He had in my pre-accident condition.
“But it still hurts sometimes,” I said. “And I still get hung up on what I used to enjoy.” I looked at Mark, found the courage, and flat out asked him: “I remember what I lost. I think about what I can’t do anymore. How do you keep your head in the game and keep doing what God called you to do?”
He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled. “I used to sing to eighty thousand people. Now, because of what I’m doing, eighty kids will eat tonight.”
It was super simplistic, but he was right. What he was doing in Haiti couldn’t be compared to what he had previously done. It was different. It was new.
“You gotta celebrate what God is doing with you right now,” Mark said, squeezing my shoulder a bit harder. “Besides, nobody wants a 55-year-old on stage singing ‘Big House.’”
Mark Stuart blessing me with a selfie.
I put my journal to the side. To have such a meaningful and God-ordained moment left me craving what God had next. I looked Mark Stuart up online. He had written a book, and I clicked.
The book came two days later. I tore the package open and dove in.
Admittingly, I’m a slow reader. I’m also a little behind schedule, as Losing My Voice to Find It came out from Thomas Nelson in 2019. It took me quite a while to read the documentary, but that’s partially because I have lived through many of the events he wrote about and wanted to savor the moments. I had been a 90’s teen, remember?
As Mark walked me through the memories, I went on a journey. In many ways, we walked it together. So much of my emotion, pain, agony, frustration, and resentment he not only identified with, but seemed to understand. Although the loss of his voice and my brain injury are very different, so many of his experiences were interchangeable with mine. Many days I scratch my head and wonder if people will ever understand my injury struggles. Mark Stuart does. Though he lived in a different town, in a different state, with different circumstances, the big picture remains the same.
God took Mark Stuart on an incredible road of discovery. I’m thankful, because the same God used Mark to help me walk mine as well.
Today, I finished his book. I quietly closed it, not sure if I’m ready to cry or shout for joy. This book may not be for everyone, but it certainly spoke to me. And if you were a 90’s teen or are someone sorting out a life that doesn’t make sense, this book will bless you as well.
Thank you, Mark Stuart. You didn’t cheat yourself from your own experience. You stuck through the hard stuff and are living for something bigger than yourself. Thank you for doing something significant.
Thank you for investing in me.
by Chuck Carr
Find out more about Mark Stuart, see what God’s doing with him, and order his book with this link: