The Clouds of Reason
Yesterday was an unusual sight- a bright sunny day in Western Pennsylvania. They say that Seattle is known for the dreary seascapes, but I feel like Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania can give it a run for its money. During the fall and winter, our area can feel so drab it might choke someone just by sight. The cloudy weather is my least favorite thing about living here. Battleship gray seems to be the choice paint for most days, and I am a man of color.
I can’t help it. I love the sunshine. It is remarkable how the warm glow of sunshine can change a mood, spark motivation, and cheer the heart. Especially during the months of the year that this area seems to be overcast (the entire month of November, sarcasm added), the escape of a bright sunny day can be so captivating and inviting. I long for days like this.
It was bright and sunny. I found my sunglasses, put on walking shoes. I grabbed my phone and my earbuds. I added a coat. Told my wife I’d be back in a while.
So, I went on a walk. It was cold, at times bitter, but there wasn’t much wind. Up and down the rolling hills of the countryside I walked, and particularly in the lowland and valleys it was remarkably still. It was those moments that you noticed the sun even more; it was felt. A warm coating of glow brushed over my insides and out. I was lost in the beauty of the surroundings.
It wasn’t the landscape, as all the grass is brown and dead. It wasn’t the roadsides, as no flowers remain anymore. No, none of these things really did it for me. I passed a pasture full of black beef cows grazing. They gave me brief company; I pushed ahead. I listened to worship music. I let my heart open, giving an offering of praise and worship to the King I owe my life to. The day was beyond beautiful, but It took me a while to figure out what held my attention so strongly. I kept looking up. Constantly bringing my mind to awe was the absolutely gorgeous sky right above me. A backdrop of pure cerulean blue hue gave stage to puffy, white of cumulus clouds. They performed fantastically. It was incredible.
It is still hard to walk. A brain injury lingers longer than one can imagine. I still struggle to go long distances. Sometimes the struggle of physical limitations gets to me emotionally. I overcome it by plugging into spiritually lifting music. I must keep from letting my shortcomings drag me down.
I walked with my worship music. I contemplated what to write today. I had it on my heart to write to those who were suffering, as this is the ministry this website was developed for. I was wanting to post again to lift the hurting heart seeking and searching for solace, solace of some sort from all forms of loss. Loss.
What a word.
I listened to “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music’s Jonathan David and Melissa Helser. It’s a favorite of mine and I kept repeating it over and over. Sometimes music is hard to listen to with earbuds, as I only have one ear now. The other dangling earbud swayed to the movement of my steps before I tucked it into my shirt. I felt very in tune with the Lord. But to be honest, I also became soft and saddened inside. The music was good, but I couldn’t shake the fact that something so easy (walking) is such a frustration to me. At the risk of opening my windows too far, I began to tear up, thinking that there is so much that I want to do. My wishlist is getting so big, so long, so dreamy. Haunting thoughts were chasing me from behind. What could I be doing in life if my head wasn’t such a struggle?
I kept looking at the sky. I looked the landscape over. I looked the fields over that I once used to plow and tend when farming. Life is so different now.
I wondered when I’ll be able to paint again. I wondered why the Lord hasn’t freed me up to do some of these things that I love, things that I would gladly use for his glory and kingdom. If my heart is right, wouldn’t the Lord jump at the chance to use me artistically again? Confused, I kept walking, kept reaching, kept plunging my heart into the worship I was engulfed in.
Yes, the walk did me good. I made it the whole way to a well-known landmark in our area. I was proud that I had made it. Admittingly, I also was frustrated that others could do this effortlessly while I labored to get there.
Before you judge me for being in a down mood and questioning God, let me finish the story. What a blessing it is when the Lord speaks. I'm unable to word the privilege justly.
How can you reproduce something the Lord speaks to you? How can you describe it to others? When the still and quiet voice of God whispers into your soul, how can you explain what you learned to someone else?
All I know is that I walked for a reason far greater than what I had known. Sometimes the Spirit of the Lord takes you out for a walk, and though you think you’re just exercising, you are really there for a bigger and better purpose. God used the sun to get me out of the house, then he had a waiting ear to listen. And God spoke clearly.
Why had the sky been so magnetic? What about the clouds drew my attention from the landscape to the sky? Why were the colors of the heavens far greater than anything the earth could produce? No, the dead grass couldn’t hold a candle to the power of the sky, nor did it try. No, the things of the world (although good ones, at that) couldn’t compete or compare to what was high above me, moving across the sky with grace and majesty. The land I knew couldn’t compete with the sky I beheld.
It was simple. It was perfect.
Luke 12:32-34
“Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Could the dead of a winter-killed landscape in January compete with the breathtaking brightness of the cerulean sky above me? Absolutely not! In the same way, can the loss of some things in life compete with what I will be receiving when I enter heaven?
I walked with my head a little higher. I felt inspired.
In all actuality, when I’m resting with Jesus in heaven one day, do you think I’ll miss anything that was taken from me while living on earth? My temporary health? My temporary ability to paint or do other creative works? My job? My ability to fix up the house and work outside like I used to do? Do you think those things will really matter?
On my walk, I permitted myself to see things different.
What are we really chasing in life? Careers? Money? Popularity? Health and long life? Material possessions? Isn’t the pursuit of these things the driving force that throws us into the gutter when we suffer loss from such things? If our eyes are focused on a high-profile job, and we suffer loss, then our mood, outlook, and emotional and mental wellbeing are going to quickly follow. In the most simplistic way God showed me, if your admiration is set on the flowers and grass of the countryside, then in January, when the winter kill comes, you will be depressed and sorely unhappy. But what if we change our viewpoint to value that which is above?
If your treasure is in the skies, it doesn’t matter how cold it is. It won’t matter how chilling the air may be. In fact, the winter destruction of the landscape will only enhance the beauty above. The loss of health, your job, your ability to perform, financial stability, etc. are nothing in comparison to what is waiting for us the day we cross from this life to the next. If your eyes are properly focused, prioritizing what lies ahead instead of what lies around us, then you know that these earthly treasures can’t even compare to what is coming your way.
My challenge today, is to bathe yourself in the riches of the kingdom that is waiting you. Submerse yourself so deeply in what is awaiting you that you don’t think about what everybody else is focused on here in the physical. Look at what fruit your life is producing and will be producing. Look at what God is doing with you and where he is taking you. Focus on what is really important. When you do, the losses you have suffered become significantly smaller. I know on my walk, as struggling as it might have been, I gained a clearer picture. Nothing can take away from what is waiting me in heaven. And if that is where I place my treasure,
There my heart will be also.
By Chuck Carr